| Evolution |
[Dec. 15th, 2007|12:57 am] |
I changed my Facebook profile to say "Religion: Buddhism" a few days ago. It felt really good to finally define it. I've always felt embarassed or something when people ask if I'm buddhist--I feel like they're going to judge me or something. It's weird. But enough of that, I'm buddhist and proud of it! And now that I've made it official (at least on Facebook haha) I'm not afraid to give the real answer. "Caitlin, are you really buddhist?" "Yes I am." It's funny how saying those three words is scary and wonderful at the same time. I think I'm evolving as a buddhist, if that makes any sense.
I'm reading "How To See Yourself As You Really Are" by HH The 14th Dalai Lama. I love it so far. He has a great voice and it's really interesting. I read it at the gym while I use the bike. This all just feels so right. Although my mom's side of the family would never support it--I'm not even going to tell them, I think it would hurt them so much. It kind of breaks my heart to know that when they look at me they see a poor, ignorant soul burning in hell for eternity, just because I don't practice their faith. I'm a good person, but they can't see that. They're blinded by something else I think, and that makes me sad for them. My cousin married this amazing guy who teaches biology, works at the Museum of Science in Boston, loves her unconditionally, is absolutely brilliant, and practices Zen Buddhism. When she told my aunt and gram that, they pulled her aside and said "you've got to get him away from that Buddhist stuff!" I'd like to think my gram will love me no matter what I believe, but I really don't think that's true. I'm not going to share this part of my life with that part of my family. It's just easier this way. |
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| Buddha, baby. |
[Dec. 4th, 2007|12:24 am] |
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As I make my way down this Buddhist path to enlightenment--or wherever it leads me--I'm desiring an outlet for my thoughts. Although I write in a private journal on occasion, I thought a simple little blog would be a nice place to catalogue my emotions, ideas and realizations that relate to my practice. I have a lot on my mind at the moment, some of it specifically related to Buddhism and some indirectly related, but it's all swirling about fighting for my attention. Eventually I'll address all of my thoughts and worries here and hopefully in writing them out I'll be able to figure out or at least accept them. But not tonight, because it's late, my eyes hurt and I'm tired. I'll put religion, friendship, Darfur and everything else on the back-burner until tomorrow. |
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caitlinirvana's journal